Serenity Now!

How'd I get on this roller coaster? I don't remember buying a ticket and agreeing to the thrill and exhilaration of being up and the anxiety and dread of going down. What the hell? I want off. But that's the thing about roller coasters, you can't just stop the ride in the middle and get off when you feel like it. You have to wait until the ride is over. And unless you've been on the ride before, you don't know when it's going to be over. And then there's the sneaky rides that make you think it's over just to fling you, flop you, and drop you one more time.

For those of you I haven't told already (which doesn't seem like many), my interview on Tuesday with the Neonatal Hearing Screening company was AWESOME!!!!! The hiring manager was wonderful and we had a great conversation. She was impressed at my tenacity on getting to her and she was impressed by my background. She felt I was an excellent match for the position based on my education, experience, and personal history. I told her that I felt the same way. She needs someone to start ASAP because the person in the position right now is going back to school and her last day is Aug 21st and it so happens that I, the perfect candidate, can also start right away. She had me complete all the paperwork to start the criminal background check, which of course I did the same day. And she said she was going to make me an offer! Yep, you read it right, I'm going to get the job offer. I was on cloud 9 for the remainder of the day on Tuesday.

I have never been able to keep secrets very well, especially a secret that I'm so freakin excited about. As I was driving home from the interview the first person I called was Aaron, then Nathalie, then my Mom, then Sandy, then my Dad. The next day I told Mary and then the entire kickball team. At least I'm not alone on my roller coaster.

Any sane person at this point would say... what's the problem? Well, I'm not a sane person. I'm a bit of an anxious person, any of my close friends would agree. Poor Mary had to listen to all the times when I was dating that I was convinced it was over because he didn't call when I thought he should have. She even when so far as to get me my own shot class that says "I don't care if he calls". And now I'm thrust back into that crazy paranoid brain... "When are they going to call? Maybe she changed her mind. Maybe they found someone else. Did I jinx it by telling the whole world before it was a done deal?" Each minute ticks away ever so slowly and I wonder, "Is my e-mail in-box full and not able to receive any more messages? Is my phone broken?" She told me she'd be able to make an offer contingent on the successful completion of the background check once the background check was started. Hasn't it been enough time? Maybe she desperately wants to make me an offer but is unable to because she's trapped under something heavy. Oh it's a downward spiral from here...

I've been here before. I know this feeling all too well. And that tells me that life is once again trying to teach me the lesson in patience and probably self confidence too. I whole heartedly believe that life will keep throwing the same lesson your way until you've learned it. And once you think you've learned it, hold on because you will be tested! So the goal today is to move through my day with grace and confidence. My thoughts and actions based in love not fear. To surrender my desire to control the situation, be confident that I've done all I can, and trust that the universe will do what's best. God help me.

In other news... my dad got an offer on his old house and it looks like it's going to sell. And Aaron will be a proud new owner of a 1997, 24 foot, Sea Ray, Sundancer boat baring any complications from the sea trial tomorrow. Both come after long, sometimes doubtful journeys. I am not alone.