My Thoughts On MJ

There is no question Michael Jackson has touched all of us in some way. Some literally, most figuratively, some negatively, most positively. We all have very specific MJ memories. I remember when I was 8 years old I was absolutely obsessed with Michael Jackson! I spent hours analyzing the Making of Thriller video trying to replicate every dance move. One afternoon my mother caught me lying on my back literally making out with the Michael Jackson Thriller record cover. I loved Michael Jackson. I was always a MJ defender. My freshman year in college I wrote a paper defending him and all of his eccentricities. It should be noted that this was pre-molestation accusations. I wish I still had that paper, as it would be interesting to read now.

So it's no wonder Michael Jackson's death has affected us all. But it has left me wondering what exactly I am mourning. When I really think about it, I can't say I am actually mourning Michael Jackson himself. I did not know him personally as much as I would have liked to have. It's hard to say I'm mourning his talent. There is no doubt he was one of the most, if not the most, talented music and dance artist of our time but the operative word there is was. I know he was planning a comeback tour but I believe he was past his prime. It takes a special person to be what they were in their 20's in their 50's. And as special as MJ was, he definitely was not special in that way! A lot of my mourning seems to be selfish as I think most mourning is (and just so you know, I don't believe that selfish is necessarily negative but that's another post for another day). I'm sad that something that was such a part of my makeup is gone. I'm sad that I never did see him in concert and now never will.

As for the unselfish mourning... I find I'm the most sad that he is not around to see and hear the outcry of love and admiration so many of us have for him. It reminds me to not take the ones I love for granted and to tell and show them how much I love them every chance I get. I'm sad that his father is once again using his son for his own publicity. Watching the video of MJ's dad http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/06/28/BET.awards.show/index.html?iref=werecommend#cnnSTCVideo makes me sick. "The most important statement" the man made was that he owned a record company. Watching that video it's no wonder MJ turned out as strange as he was. It's an absolute miracle that any of Joe Jackson's offspring became so successful. I have a real hard time believing Michael would have wanted his children to be raised by his father.

As for Michael's "issues"... I think it's entirely possible that he molested boys. I also think it's equally as possible that he didn't. I do think he was a 9 year old trapped in an adults body. I do believe he was deeply disturbed. I also believe he was a easy, filthy rich target. I believe I will never know for sure and that it's not for me to decide. It didn't happen to me and I was not on the jury. Either way, however, it's a sad story.

Rest in peace Michael. You may end up being bigger in death than you were in life and that's saying a lot. But ultimately I truly hope you have the peace now that you never had in life. Thank you for your gifts and your ultimate sacrifice of a "normal" life. I do believe you will live on in so many ways.